The search for el hogar panameño

Home: a pile of bricks and a sense of well-being, a physical structure and an emotional state. I've been on the up and down swing of finding my home, in the two senses of the word, here in Panama. Let's start with the easier, physical sense. I've been searching for the last 12 days to figure out where I'm going to unpack and get settled. I spent the first 4 nights at Hotel Toscanna Inn in the El Cangrejo district; a lot of hotels and casinos are in the area. It was a fine place to be for a while, but I was very much isolated. A week ago, I moved to a beautiful building, an apartment-hotel. It's a fully furnished, 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom, full kitchen apartment, but is rented on a nightly basis. There's also a pool which I've been taking full advantage of since I won't have that amenity the rest of my time here. The building is also in a great neighborhood. It's very safe, there are a few other very nice, high-rise apartment buildings, and it's just off of Via Argentina: a main drag of local restaurants. Like I said, it's been nice, but it's certainly not home. I've looked at a few different apartments and was completely flabbergasted by the rent. $1,000 for an apartment in a safe neighborhood was not at all what I was expecting when I came here.

So, being the frugal person that I am, I looked for ways to save as much money as possible. I've decided to move in with Christine, the English Language Fellow. She lives in a university-owned apartment in a safe place, near to Parque Omar (a gorgeous golf course turned public park that's extremely safe and always bustling with people), down the street from a grocery store, across from a laundromat, across from arguably the best ceviche restaurant in the city, and just a 20 minute walk from Multi-Plaza: the city's high-end shopping center with stores ranging from Columbia to Tiffany & Co. and a great movie theater. Living with her will be great in many ways: those of you that know me well, know I'm very much a people-person and don't care to be alone too often. Christine and I will also get to cost-share on a lot of things (such as taxis to/from the university, utilities, groceries, etc.) and we'll each have someone to just hang out with.

If, for some reason, we decide it's not working out, I'll move to my friend Urbano's place in April. Urbano and my dad share a mutual friend in Miami and he has been very welcoming to me since I arrived. He is moving to Costa Rica in April and has offered to rent me his place for 400/month all-inclusive. His building is very safe and is on the main road I take to get to the university.

Now, the more challenging issue: the feeling of home. These first 12 days have been some of the most difficult days for me. I was prepared for some uncertainty, uneasiness, culture shock, but I realized, almost-immediately, that I couldn't have prepared myself for these feelings. Everything from the housing situation, to getting oriented to the city, to my schedule (or seemingly lack thereof, so far) at the university has caused me a great sense of uncertainty and the overwhelming, suffocating feeling of being unsettled. I'm sure, for many of you, this is not what you were expecting to hear from me and that you're a little caught off guard, but I'm trying to use this as an outlet to be 100% honest about everything, including the difficult stuff. I'm trying to keep everything in perspective and cherish the moments and day-by-day it's getting easier, but it's not without its challenges.

That is the perfect transition to my first day of observation at the university. This Wednesday, I observed two English language classes: Speech and Written Communication. The first class, Speech, started at 8am and because I was unsure of how traffic would be, I arrived 40 minutes early. I sat with the teacher, Telly (who, as a side note, lived in the Quad Cities for a while and went to Kansas University...weird!). 8.05 rolled by, then 8.15, 8.25. Finally, at 8.40 two of the 8 students in the class came in. One, didn't even attempt an excuse, the other said, "I was hungry, I was upstairs in the cafeteria." Now, I was expecting a bit of tardiness. A lot of Latin America practices the "It'll happen when it happens" mentality. Of course a 15, maybe even 20-minute window is acceptable given the traffic and the lack of timeliness in most students, but to be 40 minutes late, to a university class?? This is going to be a real struggle for me, especially once I invest my time to plan and instruct lessons.

Those of you that made it this far in the post, are in for the good stuff (save the best for last, right?). Despite the emotional roller coaster of the last 12 days I have had some pretty good experiences.

The touristy stuff:

1. The causeway is a peninsula on the west side of the city built by the Americans with scraps from the canal. It juts out into the Pacific with the city on one side and large ships exiting/entering the canal on the other. It has a nice biking/walking path and is lined with restaurants, gelato shops, bars and touristy shops.

2. The Panama Canal. This doesn't really need any explanation. It was definitely a site to see! While I was there, a "Panamax" cargo ship from Singapore was passing through. Panamax is the largest ship size that can pass through the canal; on either side there's just 2-feet of leeway between the ship and the canal.

3. Partido de fútbol: Panamá vs. El Salvador. Todd and Stephanie, two really great Americans I met through Christine, invited me to the semi-final of the Central American Cup series (copa centroamericana) this Tuesday night. Despite the inefficiency of getting in to the game (we missed most of the first half because of very tight security), we had great seats for only $6, had a couple Balboas (local Panama beer) for $1 each and got to experience the hype of a goal. As soon as the ball hit the net and Panama took a 2-0 lead in the second half, everyone threw their beer in the air, yelled, cheered, harassed security, some lit a signal fire, others banged drums; it was an incredible experience. Todd, Stephanie and I agreed that all we cared about was seeing a goal, I'm so glad we did.

Other positives:

1. Alba is my mentor-teacher. She's a very sweet woman in her 60s, wears the same perfume as my grandma Susie :) , and attended Illinois College in Jacksonville, IL where my aunt, uncle and cousins live (another strange coincidence). I haven't spent a ton of time with Alba, but I know from our first meeting that she's going to be a great person to work with and has already had a calming presence in my life here.

2. Luz is my other long-term mentor. She's in charge of Panama's branch of Access. Access is one of the US Government's largest programs run worldwide. Low-income, academically-dedicated students in 10th and 11th grades are given the opportunity to learn English. The program is run in a number of cities around the country (I think I'll get to visit some of them!) and has a branch in Panama City. Currently, Panamanian students in public schools are on summer vacation. If funding comes through, there will be a summer camp in February for the 800+ students in the Access program. If not, they will begin their regular Access program (3 days/week for 3 hours/day) in early April. I will be helping Luz with logistical planning, assisting in the summer camp (fingers crossed we get funding!), hopefully traveling to some of the other sites, and giving presentations to the students. This week, Christine, the main Access teacher trainer, brought all the Access teachers together at Latina for 3 days of workshops. I was fortunate enough to meet all of them. The passion for their profession and for their students just seeps out of them. They are such an inspiration.

Other random things:

1. I went to the US Embassy for a security briefing.

2. Urbano introduced me to a great local restaurant/hang out called Los Cedros. They serve local cuisine, as well as Lebanese food, and have hookah available. It's a very relaxed, cool place to hang out and I've already been there 4 times in 12 short days.

3. My Spanish is getting me by. Once I get settled in my place and used to a routine I'm going to take lessons a couple times a week to help me adjust to the Panamanian dialect and work on my general fluency.

I was told it's -15 in CR today. Here, the sun is shining and the pool is calling my name so I'm going to work on my tan. Please feel free to leave comments; I'd love to hear from all of you.

Cuídate.

PS Sorry the post was later than I promised. I'll work on my timeliness. However, I am in the land of "it'll happen when it happens," so I can't guarantee anything :)